I miss you and find
Something missing within myself
Missing that heartbeat
That once waltzed with yours
That night on the terrace
To the strains of-“ Hmm…hmm hmm hmm…”
The night was cold
And you burst upon me
Like the twinkling star that you are
“ I got something for you.”
And you disappeared much to my astonishment.
And arrived ten minutes later
With a smile.
Music brought us together.
Tonight is warm
Like sweet memories
Remember the puppy that you wanted to bring home?
Or for that matter the ballad we sang in freezing cold?
“ Sometimes I think of you as if you have been made for me…”
Or for that matter the ballad we sang on another freezing night!
“ You, take me anywhere without telling me…”
Music got us together.
The night is silent
Holding a secret within its heart
You say nothing and yet
I understand you.
And I understand myself.
You are the cleanest mirror I have ever looked into.
And I saw the beauty within the beast.
How I wish I could have been that mirror to you too!!!
How I wish !
I was impure.
Hence you could not see yourself.
You were always right.
And I have always been the late bloomer
A dweller of nostalgia
A traveler of dreams
An absentee of now.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
A Home For The Cloud
The French window makes the perspective more than obvious. A spread out concrete jungle and a clear blue sky on which white rudderless ships that float around. Some five hundred yards away there is a gulmohar tree in full bloom. And three roads meet. Somehow everything seems to be in motion. I can even sense the rotation of the earth. Strangely, for God knows what reason, I am not surprised for something within me whispers –“ The only permanent thing is change.”
Is a being a gypsy a physical journey? Definitely, any dictionary in the world would tell you it is. If that’s the case, I am done. But then , as I have throughout my life observed, words do not have a definite meaning at all. Some of the most profound lessons I have learned have been from sentences/words that at first encounter have sounded or looked banal.
The problem is we use too many words and talk too much to render all of it meaningless. Words create confusion. [Now! Where am I going?] Yes, so my gypsy days are not over though everyone around wants to believe so. I can understand their desire to shackle me. “ How is it possible that he can float like a cloud when we all are grounded.” Settling down is as much a herd mentality as anything else we adhere to since the advent of civilization. The world is ruled by slaves who fear freedom. The gaol is a safe place.
So finally, I am a prisoner too. I searched and bought my own cell to live in, finally. I even planned how it should look like! Everyone around is happy and in a celebratory mood. Why deny anyone a tinge of happiness in a world filled with misery? Probably, I have sacrificed the physical aspect of wandering but then I have been more of an emotional traveler than a physical one. Mentally too, I have been more inward than outward.
You can’t change the properties of a cloud. You can ,maybe, grasp him for a while but finally the cloud knows its destiny.
Is a being a gypsy a physical journey? Definitely, any dictionary in the world would tell you it is. If that’s the case, I am done. But then , as I have throughout my life observed, words do not have a definite meaning at all. Some of the most profound lessons I have learned have been from sentences/words that at first encounter have sounded or looked banal.
The problem is we use too many words and talk too much to render all of it meaningless. Words create confusion. [Now! Where am I going?] Yes, so my gypsy days are not over though everyone around wants to believe so. I can understand their desire to shackle me. “ How is it possible that he can float like a cloud when we all are grounded.” Settling down is as much a herd mentality as anything else we adhere to since the advent of civilization. The world is ruled by slaves who fear freedom. The gaol is a safe place.
So finally, I am a prisoner too. I searched and bought my own cell to live in, finally. I even planned how it should look like! Everyone around is happy and in a celebratory mood. Why deny anyone a tinge of happiness in a world filled with misery? Probably, I have sacrificed the physical aspect of wandering but then I have been more of an emotional traveler than a physical one. Mentally too, I have been more inward than outward.
You can’t change the properties of a cloud. You can ,maybe, grasp him for a while but finally the cloud knows its destiny.
Monday, May 3, 2010
HABIT
“ Tears over crosswords…..” That’s how it began. Can’t remember a word beyond that. Ten days of my life that changed everything. It had started with a declaration. And then, the tears. Then came the hug that I can still feel after all these years. And then the kiss that sealed my fate. And finally a marriage.
These ten days have a lifetime of it’s own.
There has never been a day since, when I haven’t relived those ten days. And after thirty months of invisibility and twenty months of silence, it is amazing that these memories are still afresh. Its seems like a moment ago and it seems like millenniums ago! the architecture of my heaven is made of these memories. The landscape of her smile spreads out to the horizon. Her “hello” echoes like the primal word across, from horizon to horizon. Her song runs through my veins.
I wake up everyday with her thought and go to bed thinking of her. And then there are the prayers. I go through all my motions imagining her around me. Am I schizophrenic? Aren’t all lovers? Thankfully my schizophrenia is under my control. My mind, in fact, is totally under control unlike my heart.
My heart is a habitual offender at pulling strings. Keeps on pulling the strings of my emotions. That spring in my walk, where did I get that from? It also makes me become her once a while. Like last night I was out for dinner. And I suddenly felt I was her. Every expression, every gesture, every movement I made was hers. For a while I was even lost in it. I could touch her soul wherever she was. It’s a strange out of body experience where I could see myself as her!
Normally my heart delights in doing this when I am alone. But last night, it happened in front of people. I somehow survived it with a smile. Later that night, back home, I laughed my self to sleep.
These ten days have a lifetime of it’s own.
There has never been a day since, when I haven’t relived those ten days. And after thirty months of invisibility and twenty months of silence, it is amazing that these memories are still afresh. Its seems like a moment ago and it seems like millenniums ago! the architecture of my heaven is made of these memories. The landscape of her smile spreads out to the horizon. Her “hello” echoes like the primal word across, from horizon to horizon. Her song runs through my veins.
I wake up everyday with her thought and go to bed thinking of her. And then there are the prayers. I go through all my motions imagining her around me. Am I schizophrenic? Aren’t all lovers? Thankfully my schizophrenia is under my control. My mind, in fact, is totally under control unlike my heart.
My heart is a habitual offender at pulling strings. Keeps on pulling the strings of my emotions. That spring in my walk, where did I get that from? It also makes me become her once a while. Like last night I was out for dinner. And I suddenly felt I was her. Every expression, every gesture, every movement I made was hers. For a while I was even lost in it. I could touch her soul wherever she was. It’s a strange out of body experience where I could see myself as her!
Normally my heart delights in doing this when I am alone. But last night, it happened in front of people. I somehow survived it with a smile. Later that night, back home, I laughed my self to sleep.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)