Tuesday, May 27, 2008
SOHA,the braveheart
i was rendered speechless! there i was in a deparmental store and staring right at me was someone who resembled soha ali khan in the bare minimum! on close scrutinity i realized it was her! "way to go babe!"- i heard myself saying.
i know it needs great courage to do what she did. and it was most unexpected!" thanks for the surprise and bravo!' she deserves all credit for an act of this magnitude. and it gives me hope. ITS HER FIRST STEP TO REALIZING HER TRUE POTENTIAL. seeing her on the cover of "MAXIM", i felt thrilled like [hmm.......] like a parent when their child takes that first step.
i have yet to go through the photos in the magazine. its now my turn to gather some courage.
i know it needs great courage to do what she did. and it was most unexpected!" thanks for the surprise and bravo!' she deserves all credit for an act of this magnitude. and it gives me hope. ITS HER FIRST STEP TO REALIZING HER TRUE POTENTIAL. seeing her on the cover of "MAXIM", i felt thrilled like [hmm.......] like a parent when their child takes that first step.
i have yet to go through the photos in the magazine. its now my turn to gather some courage.
Friday, May 9, 2008
You really don't need a gun!!!
I sent her a message today. " Trust me, your smile is disarmingly more effective! You really don't need a gun." I sent her a smiley too.
I really hope she has a great life. And I hope that my love lives forever too! "May the pain of seperation bind me to you forever."Maybe, this pain is stronger that the bliss of togetherness!
And my friends can call me "the eternal fool!" It is better to be in love and be called a fool than to be smart and be indifferent. Isn't it?
The Moon
Yes, the little princess stole my heart
But what she left behind is her fragrance in my soul.
I am the moon of her apathy!
What I could be with her love,
Imagine!!!
In her Divine silence
Bloom a million flowers
And a drop of my tear
Has the depth of a thousand oceans!
Every dying breath gives birth
To an undying love
And I exclaim in ecstasy-
“There is no her but her! There is no her but her!”
But what she left behind is her fragrance in my soul.
I am the moon of her apathy!
What I could be with her love,
Imagine!!!
In her Divine silence
Bloom a million flowers
And a drop of my tear
Has the depth of a thousand oceans!
Every dying breath gives birth
To an undying love
And I exclaim in ecstasy-
“There is no her but her! There is no her but her!”
The Birth of a Song
"Phir na kijye mere gustaaq nigaahi ka gila, dekhiye aap ne phir pyar se dekha mujhko!”
Roughly translated it means-“ Do not complain against my roving eye, its you who is looking at me with love now!”
These lines were written by Sahir Ludhianvi, the greatest lyricist the hindi film industry has heard. This lyric was beautifully composed by Khayyam, a very sensitive composer, for the film “ Phir Subah Hogi”[ which in turn was an adaptation of Dostoevsky’s novel “ Crime and Punishment”]. Khayyam, years later gave us that monumental song, once again written by Sahir,-“ Kabhi kabhie mere dil mein khayal aata hai….”
Sahir published his first collection of poems when he was still in college. The book was called “ Talkhiyaan”, which means “ bitterness of life”. It was a huge success and Sahir was a superstar of his day. We are talking of a time when poets were heroes and not looked upon as “losers” as we do today!
In fact, he was so idolized that college girls would fight amongst themselves to have a drag[puff] of the cigarette butt that he would leave behind!!!! Am sure it must have been quite orgasmic!!
Now the story goes that a very beautiful daughter of a rich zamindar joined the college. And Sahir being the man he is, stared at her, much to her discomfort. This was the 1940’s when even a stare could lead you to a reprimand. The girl did exactly that.
The principal of the college[ an admirer of Sahir] called him and left him off with a light warning.
It was only later on that the girl came to know that the man she had complained against was none other than Sahir. The famous poet. And she felt miserable about the fact that she had complained against him when she herself was a fan of his.
And now she started stealing a glance whenever he would pass by. But Sahir wouldn’t even look in her direction. So she sent a note through a friend, asking for forgiveness. Sahir read her note and then turned the page over and is then supposed to have written to her the now famous lines that I mentioned earlier!
It was not the first time that Sahir was using lines that he wrote before his entry into films. “ Chalo ek baar phir se ajnabi ban jaaye hum dono..”[ Come on, let’s be stranger once again..] was one of the poems from his “ Talkhiyaan”. So was the classic-“ Kabhi kabhi…”!
Both the poems talk about an affair of the heart he had with a married woman. In fact, Sahir, who lived and died a bachelor was forever in love. Amrita Pritam, Sudha Malhotra[a singer], Lata Mangeshkar[ this fact I came to know lately through a friend of the late music composer, Jaidev] and the list goes on.
There is an anecdote about Amrita Pritam’s son coming home,one day, back from school, crying. When Amrita Pritam enquired what had happened, her son told her that everyone in school teased him saying he was Sahir’s son. Amrita Pritam is said to have given an amusing reply to the query!
“ Kash ke aaisa hota!”. Which means-“ If only it was so!!!”
Sahir later on teamed up with Guru Dutt and Sachin Dev Burman to give some classic songs that’s still remembered. His other great associations were with B R Chopra and Navketan films, owned by Dev Anand.
“ Kal aur aayenge nagmon ki khilti kaliyaan chhunne wale
Mujhse behtar kehne wale tum se behtar sunne wale
Kal koi mujh ko yaad karen, Kyon koi mujh ko yaad karen?
Mashroof zamana mere liye kyon waqt apna barbaad karen!”
Roughly translated it means-“ Do not complain against my roving eye, its you who is looking at me with love now!”
These lines were written by Sahir Ludhianvi, the greatest lyricist the hindi film industry has heard. This lyric was beautifully composed by Khayyam, a very sensitive composer, for the film “ Phir Subah Hogi”[ which in turn was an adaptation of Dostoevsky’s novel “ Crime and Punishment”]. Khayyam, years later gave us that monumental song, once again written by Sahir,-“ Kabhi kabhie mere dil mein khayal aata hai….”
Sahir published his first collection of poems when he was still in college. The book was called “ Talkhiyaan”, which means “ bitterness of life”. It was a huge success and Sahir was a superstar of his day. We are talking of a time when poets were heroes and not looked upon as “losers” as we do today!
In fact, he was so idolized that college girls would fight amongst themselves to have a drag[puff] of the cigarette butt that he would leave behind!!!! Am sure it must have been quite orgasmic!!
Now the story goes that a very beautiful daughter of a rich zamindar joined the college. And Sahir being the man he is, stared at her, much to her discomfort. This was the 1940’s when even a stare could lead you to a reprimand. The girl did exactly that.
The principal of the college[ an admirer of Sahir] called him and left him off with a light warning.
It was only later on that the girl came to know that the man she had complained against was none other than Sahir. The famous poet. And she felt miserable about the fact that she had complained against him when she herself was a fan of his.
And now she started stealing a glance whenever he would pass by. But Sahir wouldn’t even look in her direction. So she sent a note through a friend, asking for forgiveness. Sahir read her note and then turned the page over and is then supposed to have written to her the now famous lines that I mentioned earlier!
It was not the first time that Sahir was using lines that he wrote before his entry into films. “ Chalo ek baar phir se ajnabi ban jaaye hum dono..”[ Come on, let’s be stranger once again..] was one of the poems from his “ Talkhiyaan”. So was the classic-“ Kabhi kabhi…”!
Both the poems talk about an affair of the heart he had with a married woman. In fact, Sahir, who lived and died a bachelor was forever in love. Amrita Pritam, Sudha Malhotra[a singer], Lata Mangeshkar[ this fact I came to know lately through a friend of the late music composer, Jaidev] and the list goes on.
There is an anecdote about Amrita Pritam’s son coming home,one day, back from school, crying. When Amrita Pritam enquired what had happened, her son told her that everyone in school teased him saying he was Sahir’s son. Amrita Pritam is said to have given an amusing reply to the query!
“ Kash ke aaisa hota!”. Which means-“ If only it was so!!!”
Sahir later on teamed up with Guru Dutt and Sachin Dev Burman to give some classic songs that’s still remembered. His other great associations were with B R Chopra and Navketan films, owned by Dev Anand.
“ Kal aur aayenge nagmon ki khilti kaliyaan chhunne wale
Mujhse behtar kehne wale tum se behtar sunne wale
Kal koi mujh ko yaad karen, Kyon koi mujh ko yaad karen?
Mashroof zamana mere liye kyon waqt apna barbaad karen!”
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
A soap called PEARS
I still bathe with a bar of Pears soap. In between I did try out different soaps but finally have come to the conclusion that there is no soap better than Pears! It may not be the best soap in the world but for me it brings back fragrant memories of a lost childhood. Those innocent happy days in my birthplace, Alathur. Reared by many hands, from grandfather to grandmother to grand uncles and grand aunts to aunts and uncles to …
Well, I believe you do get the picture? My childhood was a game called “ Pass the parcel”. It just happened that I WAS the PARCEL!!!
Am not complaining, mind you. In fact, contrary to popular belief, I had a very happy and interesting childhood. I will only talk of the happy stuff right now. [The interesting stuff will come later. There is an ocean full of it!!!]
I still remember my grandpa bringing chocolates and other delicious stuff from Palghat. He even got a pair of kittens once when he returned from Ooty! I can still remember the way he used to eat. He was so precise in his movements. And he had great taste buds.
I have no idea if my grandma was a good cook. Mema [grand aunt] supervised the kitchen. She is the most innocent, naïve woman I have ever seen in my life. She did have her good failings though. In every generation of children growing up in “ Leela Mandir”, she had one “Chosen one”, who would be her favorite. And she would be blatantly open of her feelings for that person.
And in Kesava mama’s reign there, I lived like a prince. Elephant rides to a film every Sunday to “soda sherbet” in the evenings to him dancing to all my wishes and fancies!! [You may get the idea that they were spoiling me rotten! Well, there was a reason why so much of kindness was being showered on me but then that’s another story altogether.]
The clearest memory I have of using Pears is during this time. When I was seven years or so. There is a faint memory from a period prior to this too but….am not sure. I used to look through that dark brown bar and feel at peace. [In fact, lately the company that owns this brand came out with an advertisement in which a little girl does the same thing!]
Years later, in Pune, I remember Shabnam buying me a Pears soap. She paid for it saying that as she was the sponsor of my stay in Pune, she’ll pay for it. [My dirty mind wanted to ask her whether she would pay for my condoms too!!!]
She is the only womanly memory I associate with Pears. That is if I put aside the number of female hands that has bathed me as a child.
The other soaps may wash the dirt off my body but Pears somehow washes away my guilt. My guilt of being an adult in a degenerating world. Strange but true. I feel like a child again.
Well, I believe you do get the picture? My childhood was a game called “ Pass the parcel”. It just happened that I WAS the PARCEL!!!
Am not complaining, mind you. In fact, contrary to popular belief, I had a very happy and interesting childhood. I will only talk of the happy stuff right now. [The interesting stuff will come later. There is an ocean full of it!!!]
I still remember my grandpa bringing chocolates and other delicious stuff from Palghat. He even got a pair of kittens once when he returned from Ooty! I can still remember the way he used to eat. He was so precise in his movements. And he had great taste buds.
I have no idea if my grandma was a good cook. Mema [grand aunt] supervised the kitchen. She is the most innocent, naïve woman I have ever seen in my life. She did have her good failings though. In every generation of children growing up in “ Leela Mandir”, she had one “Chosen one”, who would be her favorite. And she would be blatantly open of her feelings for that person.
And in Kesava mama’s reign there, I lived like a prince. Elephant rides to a film every Sunday to “soda sherbet” in the evenings to him dancing to all my wishes and fancies!! [You may get the idea that they were spoiling me rotten! Well, there was a reason why so much of kindness was being showered on me but then that’s another story altogether.]
The clearest memory I have of using Pears is during this time. When I was seven years or so. There is a faint memory from a period prior to this too but….am not sure. I used to look through that dark brown bar and feel at peace. [In fact, lately the company that owns this brand came out with an advertisement in which a little girl does the same thing!]
Years later, in Pune, I remember Shabnam buying me a Pears soap. She paid for it saying that as she was the sponsor of my stay in Pune, she’ll pay for it. [My dirty mind wanted to ask her whether she would pay for my condoms too!!!]
She is the only womanly memory I associate with Pears. That is if I put aside the number of female hands that has bathed me as a child.
The other soaps may wash the dirt off my body but Pears somehow washes away my guilt. My guilt of being an adult in a degenerating world. Strange but true. I feel like a child again.
That little thief
It has taken me two years to realize that my heart is stolen. All these past days, I’ve tried every trick I know to get it back. I’ve now given up. It is my fault. I had hidden my heart in a safe deposit vault in an island fortress and when she came along I displayed it to her! My dear old instinct had warned me. Yet, as we Hindus say-“ Vinaasha kale, veepiritha buddhi”!!!!!! I have no other explanation than that.
It is totally irrational and illogical. I’ve understood through this experience that one loses one’s head before one loses one’s heart![Or is it the other way round? I am confused!!] Of all the girls in all the world it had to be “her”???? It’s my oft repeated question to myself.
Let me tell you, love can sometimes really f**k your whole existence! It crushes you. It destroys everything you thought about yourself and the world around you.
I feel like a long lost civilization. I mean, I sometimes find some part of myself like some archeologist finding a severed hand of an idol in the ruins of Harrappa or Mohen-ja-daro!!!!
I am re-building myself now. Fortunately or unfortunately, my base is still my soul!!!
It is totally irrational and illogical. I’ve understood through this experience that one loses one’s head before one loses one’s heart![Or is it the other way round? I am confused!!] Of all the girls in all the world it had to be “her”???? It’s my oft repeated question to myself.
Let me tell you, love can sometimes really f**k your whole existence! It crushes you. It destroys everything you thought about yourself and the world around you.
I feel like a long lost civilization. I mean, I sometimes find some part of myself like some archeologist finding a severed hand of an idol in the ruins of Harrappa or Mohen-ja-daro!!!!
I am re-building myself now. Fortunately or unfortunately, my base is still my soul!!!
Rumi quatrains
You’ve filled my life with joy like sacks of sugar
Preserved me like a petaled rose, in sugar
And now today I’m seized by peals of laughter-
What joyous sounds you sprinkled in my mouth!!
And another quatrain:
The human body’s talisman, once torn
It’s essence pure will mix again with earth
Once heaven breaks the talisman’s frail flesh
Earth returns to earth, to the pure what’s pure.
And my mind reverts to something I read in “ The Upanishads”!!!
All this is full. All that is full.
From fullness, fullness comes.
When fullness is taken from fullness,
Fullness still remains.
OM Shanti Shanti Shanti
Preserved me like a petaled rose, in sugar
And now today I’m seized by peals of laughter-
What joyous sounds you sprinkled in my mouth!!
And another quatrain:
The human body’s talisman, once torn
It’s essence pure will mix again with earth
Once heaven breaks the talisman’s frail flesh
Earth returns to earth, to the pure what’s pure.
And my mind reverts to something I read in “ The Upanishads”!!!
All this is full. All that is full.
From fullness, fullness comes.
When fullness is taken from fullness,
Fullness still remains.
OM Shanti Shanti Shanti
A Coward's life
Have you realized? We all live a coward’s life. Always running away from oneself. We prefer the ugliness outside to the ugliness within. So we run. But run where? Where to? The further we run from ourselves, the more demons we encounter! And these demons are like the heads of Ravana. You try and sever one head, and its once again back in its place, with mocking laughter!!!
Why are we so afraid to look within? Why do we spend our whole life pretending to be someone we aren’t? Why do we find it so difficult to live with oneself that we are constantly yearning for company?
Loneliness isn’t that shameful! What’s really fake is the emotional politics we constantly play to fulfill our relationship requirements.
I believe we are now genetically conditioned to believe that we are social animals. We are merely animals who prey for acceptance! Socially and emotionally. In fact our whole existence is based on the principle of acceptance. You exist because I accept your existence. Otherwise, who are you?
The moment one asks the question-“ Who am I ?” you enter the realm of self-realization. You enter a world of your own. A solitary world!
Are you ready for it? Am I ready for it?
Why are we so afraid to look within? Why do we spend our whole life pretending to be someone we aren’t? Why do we find it so difficult to live with oneself that we are constantly yearning for company?
Loneliness isn’t that shameful! What’s really fake is the emotional politics we constantly play to fulfill our relationship requirements.
I believe we are now genetically conditioned to believe that we are social animals. We are merely animals who prey for acceptance! Socially and emotionally. In fact our whole existence is based on the principle of acceptance. You exist because I accept your existence. Otherwise, who are you?
The moment one asks the question-“ Who am I ?” you enter the realm of self-realization. You enter a world of your own. A solitary world!
Are you ready for it? Am I ready for it?
Friday, May 2, 2008
the lull after the storm
Life is what happens to you while you are preparing for it. I do not know whether I should call it an irony or a tragedy of life. The other day when I and my friend Sankalp went for our evening walk, I said to him-“ Last night I finally realized that the greatest victory in life comes concealed in its greatest defeat!”
Yes, I have finally understood the value of acceptance. I’ve understood that all the fight with oneself yields nothing but pain and discontentment. That night I cried and cried. I felt miserable. But finally as the full moon ascended in the sky, all of a sudden, I felt at peace.
I switched on the lights and looked at the idol of Lord Ganapati. And I apologized to Him for all my trespassing. I surrendered to Him. I was at peace. Finally.
Sankalp’s reply was short and to the point.
“ Knowledge leads to ego and the ego to misery. Everything happens according to the Divine decree. We are fools if we believe otherwise!”
The rest of the walk was in complete silence.
Yes, I have finally understood the value of acceptance. I’ve understood that all the fight with oneself yields nothing but pain and discontentment. That night I cried and cried. I felt miserable. But finally as the full moon ascended in the sky, all of a sudden, I felt at peace.
I switched on the lights and looked at the idol of Lord Ganapati. And I apologized to Him for all my trespassing. I surrendered to Him. I was at peace. Finally.
Sankalp’s reply was short and to the point.
“ Knowledge leads to ego and the ego to misery. Everything happens according to the Divine decree. We are fools if we believe otherwise!”
The rest of the walk was in complete silence.
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