So you have finally declared your love for him!
In the beginning was an emotion.
The word came later.
I re-read my scribblings and laugh.
Like the earth I seem to be rotating-
Rotating around the same topic!
“The sun and your heart are of the same substance.”
I remember sending you this SMS on a Valentine’s day.
And I laugh again at what I am doing now.
The same thing.
I rotate so much and yet find myself around you!
“The earth and my mind are in unison.”
And I believe I am perfectly placed.
If I inch towards you I will burn.
If I inch away from you I will turn cold.
The earth needs the sun.
What more can I tell you?
Yes, I can tell you that when I read that statement of yours my heart burned.
My guts were suddenly hollow.
My breath turned to sand.
Yet I smiled. You can ask the people around.
Yes, I smiled.
Now, do not ask me where I get this strength from?
I have no idea.
Like always.
I live on instinct.
A river runs between two moments. Two successive moments.
There is no difference between you and your illusion.
They are the same.
Like the sun and your heart.
Like the earth and my mind.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Another birthday and I haven’t gotten over the last!!
Its her birthday tomorrow and my mind is blank. For days I have been planning to write a poem for her. But in the midst of writing a script on a boy’s loss of innocence and an adulterous woman and her paramour, I have yet to write a single word for her.
I have not been in touch with her for more than twenty five[25] months now. Quite simply because I do not have her phone number. It is still a wonder to me that even after three years of not even having a glimpse of her, I still have an enormous amount of love for her. I often wonder if this love will consume me!
Strangely, in a sense I have moved on. I know she is seeing someone. And she is happy with him. So be it!
Five months since I have moved into my new home, I have also sort of become a hermit. I hardly walk out of the house without any reason. I spend the whole day with myself and feel happy. I watch the world from my window and meditate. The chaos outside brings an element of silence within me.
Once a while I enact a scene with her. [I know this could be termed as schizophrenia but somehow I have it under total control. I can switch it on and off whenever I want!] The scene could be anything from accidentally meeting her at a friend’s party or meeting her at a coffee shop or a premiere to even changing a past episode according to the present moment’s convenience. Strange mind games! But games that help me in my creativity.
Through out my blog, in almost all my post, there is a mention of her.In the same way, consciously or sub consciously, she has become a part of my very being in everything I do.
The most beautiful aspect of this love has been that it has opened my heart. I can feel other’s pain and sorrow and participate in it. I feel as if everyone’s pain is my own. Their happiness too. Its as if the whole world has become my family. There are moments when I get so in depth with some person’s emotions that I become them. Like feeling their loneliness. Their vulnerability. Their insecurities. Their madness. Their joy.
I live alone and I cherish my loneliness. I am at peace. I do not know how but somehow I have reached a zone . A zone where I get emotional/sensitive enough, yet at the same time there is a certain detachment.[My friend Sachin prophesized about this about me years ago. At that time I hadn’t understood him or myself.]
I do only what I must. I never force myself to do anything. I have finally found peace by surrendering. Acceptance is Godliness. Acceptance of/to one’s own nature.
So this birthday, my dear little princess, there is no song or a poem. Merely a wish that you have a great time and find happiness and solace like I have found mine.
happy birthday to you...S
I have not been in touch with her for more than twenty five[25] months now. Quite simply because I do not have her phone number. It is still a wonder to me that even after three years of not even having a glimpse of her, I still have an enormous amount of love for her. I often wonder if this love will consume me!
Strangely, in a sense I have moved on. I know she is seeing someone. And she is happy with him. So be it!
Five months since I have moved into my new home, I have also sort of become a hermit. I hardly walk out of the house without any reason. I spend the whole day with myself and feel happy. I watch the world from my window and meditate. The chaos outside brings an element of silence within me.
Once a while I enact a scene with her. [I know this could be termed as schizophrenia but somehow I have it under total control. I can switch it on and off whenever I want!] The scene could be anything from accidentally meeting her at a friend’s party or meeting her at a coffee shop or a premiere to even changing a past episode according to the present moment’s convenience. Strange mind games! But games that help me in my creativity.
Through out my blog, in almost all my post, there is a mention of her.In the same way, consciously or sub consciously, she has become a part of my very being in everything I do.
The most beautiful aspect of this love has been that it has opened my heart. I can feel other’s pain and sorrow and participate in it. I feel as if everyone’s pain is my own. Their happiness too. Its as if the whole world has become my family. There are moments when I get so in depth with some person’s emotions that I become them. Like feeling their loneliness. Their vulnerability. Their insecurities. Their madness. Their joy.
I live alone and I cherish my loneliness. I am at peace. I do not know how but somehow I have reached a zone . A zone where I get emotional/sensitive enough, yet at the same time there is a certain detachment.[My friend Sachin prophesized about this about me years ago. At that time I hadn’t understood him or myself.]
I do only what I must. I never force myself to do anything. I have finally found peace by surrendering. Acceptance is Godliness. Acceptance of/to one’s own nature.
So this birthday, my dear little princess, there is no song or a poem. Merely a wish that you have a great time and find happiness and solace like I have found mine.
happy birthday to you...S
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